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| I just plain-ol' don't care about many of the things I once held so dearly. I used to be scared of letting go of some of these things. The fear of growing up to be boring and average was such a huge concern to me. I can't afford to care about that anymore. I have started doing what I feel is best for me right now. Who cares about the past and who cares about the future? What's supposed to happen will eventually come around; plus, all of my planning from the past hasn't helped me any anyhow. Nothing goes the way you plan, so why spend so much effort on planning it? Sure you can learn from the past, but there needs to be a point where you jut understand that you know these things without dwelling on the troubles of the past or wishing you could be reliving the joyous occasions. I'm happy right now and if you're a part of my life that way then Thank You. If you're not a healthy part of my life and don't wish only the best for me then just stay away. I don't harbor any resentment toward anyone who has wronged me or hurt my feelings, but that doesn't mean I'm going to keep you around to hurt me any longer. I appreciate everyone who has been in my life so far, but I'm here today to let you know that no longer will you "unworthy" ones be able to keep unhealthy tabs on me. | | |
| well.....we don't have anything....and they're not worms, either. Abbey stupid Slutface has like fleas or ticks or something. whatever it is it only has interest in my cat and my comforter. Nothing's gotten under my skin but i waaaaas able to tweeze up this stupid little ugly nasty parasite thing and throw it outside. GROSS! | | |
| I have become a mother.
Not in the traditional sense, of course. I am a nurturer at heart and I cannot ignore that. I love to take care of people and I need others to need me so I can have a sense of belonging. This usually results in unneeded stress and anxiety but it helps me take the focus off my problems and I know that needs to stop. I need to be able to take care of myself before I can take care of anyone else. I call bull on that.
My landlord hired a company to come put new sod in my yard and that was a horrific event for me. I still am unable to overcome my fear of answering the door or allowing strangers into my home but I have a couple of wonderful roommates who help maintain a functioning house. The company came and went and left us with some beautiful grass and timed sprinklers. As it turns out, my house is older than I thought and the timers on the sprinklers were set too closely together. My bedroom's in the basement and it became flooded. My anxiety about the people in the house got the best of me and I didn't take care of the problem...until yesterday. My landlord is amazing and is helping take care of the over-exaggerated disaster which sat too long already and started growing mold under the carpet. I threw al of my stuff away and went camping while he started in on the floor.
Throwing away all my stuff was extremely difficult. I keep EVERYTHING. I finally confessed to one of my roommates that I used to keep some of her stuff that I thought she might like to have later and was saving them for her. She helped me throw away so much stuff yesterday that we filled over FOUR trashcans that had been completely empty. The saddest part is there are multiple garbage bags filled of stuff going to Goodwill and I still have more to go. It seems as though my belongings just know no bounds.
The hardest part of the whole experience is that I had always thought I was doing a better job at not hoarding. I used to abide by the rule that if I hadn't used an item in 3 months it went in the garbage or to the second-hand store. What I never was willing to admit was that some of the things that I did use regularly also needed to go. I like to have options when I'm home alone of different things I can do. I was making do with what I had because I had so much and I always tricked myself into thinking that was a good thing. Right now my arts-and-craft time will be dedicated to organizing my life. Once I get on track then I will be able to go and purchase the items as I use them. NO MORE CLUTTER!
::wish me luck:: | | |
| thats right folks....i got fired. Why you might ask: "over the course of the past several weeks we've had numerous people complain that you...Well, they don't think it's fair that you are disrespectful of the management and that's insubordination. Josh and Matt don't want you on their schedules and Melissa doesn't want you on her schedule. It really hurts our feelings that you think we don't care. We care a hell-of-a-lot. It certainly hurts T.J.'s feelings what you've been saying. I just wish you would have talked to us about your problems. I don't know what your plans are but I don't want you to hesitate to use us as references. You were a damned good worker with an excelent work ethic." For the record I used to go in and talk to Jake for 2 hours off the clock every week for about 12 weeks without a single reaction from him or any positive results. And also, I never talked about any of that while I was in the building so they can FUCK OFF! I also just love that he said he wishes I would have come to talk to them about my problems when communication needs two parties. They could have said something also. Oh well, I'm off to the unemployment office bitches! | | |
| So I'm pretty much excited about life right now because I will hopefully be seeing tech n9ne on thursday! That is gonna be so cool...I just need to get off work is all. Halloween was pretty good to me this year. I went trick-or-treating with Kara...we dressed up as Mario and Luigi. Guess which one I was, right? Then I went to Mystery Manor with Andrew and his wierdo friend Jeff from South Dakota. After the haunted house, we dropped off Jeff and Andrew dropped me off at the midnight movie to meet up with Laura and Kara. He ended up coming back so he could catch a good nap during the Poltergeist, though. When I got home, Hannah's car and my car were in the driveway, but Hannah and Brandon were not there. They got me to go over and meet the next door neighbors which ended up being a REALLY good thing. I'm pretty sure I had a blast and....something. The only real big bummer right now is that Brandon is leaving on Friday to return to Illinois. Blegh.....it's probably for the best right now though. | | |
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